Anger and Loss
‘Getting Angry Is a Reaction: Staying Angry a Choice.” – David Posen
Anger is a natural and healthy part of the grieving process. Who wouldn’t be angry
when someone or something they loved so dearly is suddenly taken from them?
Anger involves behavior and therefore how we express anger and how long we hang on to it is a choice.
Anger can sometimes cause serious problems for ourselves and for others.
Types of anger:
Some express anger when there is lack of support from family, friends or work.
Displaced or misdirected anger is expressed when we want someone to take responsibility for what happened.
Past moments, turmoil, pain or unresolved anger within our relationship with the person or thing that we have lost.Sometimes, our anger stems from something unjust or unpreventable that has occurred.
Anger is not the most accepted emotion in today’s culture, Holding anger in too long is not healthy as it builds up internal pressure and ongoing stress.
Ideas on how to cope with anger:
Choose to shrug it off – ‘l will not let this get to me’ or ‘this isn’t worth getting upset about.’Acknowledge the anger – some people say, ‘I’m not angry’ when they really are. This can confuse both others and themselves.
Pause and Reflect on the situation – This allows a chance to tactfully respond on the situation that triggered your anger,
Express the anger directly or indirectly. Direct expression of anger can be done through writing addressing the person or event we are angry about. Indirect expression Of anger can be through talking to yourself, another person or even a pet.
Create a safe place where you can go and not be heard or seen and let the anger out of your system. The goal is to get the feelings out and let them go
Have a good cry – Let the tears flow.
Live in the present – Immersing ourselves in the ‘should haves’ and ‘could haves’ of the past prevent us from dealing effectively with anger in the present.
Be patient with yourself and the grieving process – Anger will lessen as you learn to accept what has happened.
Talk to someone about it – Talking to a supportive person such as a professional or support group helps you understand Why you are upset and might give ideas to help cope with anger.
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